Changing men: a look at men's mental health in 2023

The state of men's mental health in 2023 is complex. Caught between stereotypes, gradual changes and persistent challenges, it's discussed across the media, but resources remain limited. To mark Men's Health Month, we spoke with Mickaël Carlier, a pioneer in the field of positive masculinity in Quebec and founder of the organization Men Who Change. And we addressed the multiple facets of men's well-being without taboo.

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It's no secret: for decades, men have been taught to be strong, invulnerable. Men were not allowed to express the emotions they felt or to take care of them. “Our fathers are very much like that, and we are still very much like that today because of our social constructions. We were taught to push our emotions down deep inside, not to show them. We're starting from far away,” explains Mickaël.

“If I have a problem, I have to move forward anyway while showing myself as strong. I shouldn't be called a girl or a wimp. We were taught to reject the so‑called feminine part in us and that sets boundaries that don't allow us to be fully ourselves.”

Moreover, according to figures from the Quebec National Institute of Statistics (INSPQ) dated October 2022, about 10% of men would be affected by a high level of suffering, even psychological distress. And they would be three times more likely to die by suicide than women, across all age groups, according to Statistics Canada. “What I hear from health services and community services is that men come very far into the process. They push the limits and arrive late to take care of themselves and to seek support,” emphasizes Mickaël.

Fortunately, more and more men are willing to talk about their mental health and to ask for help. But there is still much work to do.

Breaking toxic ideals: society's impact on men's mental health

While it is true that men are often raised with the idea that they must be unshakeable, society and the role models presented to boys also have a great influence. The pressure to match the image of a hero, embodied by figures such as Bruce Willis, has long been an unattainable ideal for many men. “There is something like a little boy, like a man, that reinforces the idea that you have to be strong, valiant, not give in, not show your emotions. We work hard to be muscular, strong, etc., but we don't reach that ideal, and moreover it doesn't really resemble us,” says Mickaël.

He also points out that this false invulnerability prevents men from recognizing their own distress signals and from getting early help. “We push men to embody unrealistic, unsustainable roles. These stereotypes lead them to neglect their mental health, which manifests as greater precarity and emotional fragility,” he explains. Fortunately, culture is slowly changing, but overall, a large majority of heroes still conform to and feed these clichés.

Men who want to get better

Through his experience with Men Who Change, Mickaël has met many men who are suffering, but who also want things to change. “In the talking circles I've participated in, several topics come up often: anger and frustration (linked to a lack of tools and relational and emotional skills) and emotional loneliness (not talking to one's friends, visiting friends but not talking about the 'real' things, about how one really feels),” Mickaël says. “We lack tools to identify the feelings and needs we have, and that is reflected in parental relationships and in couple relationships. We also have the sense that we must be strong in front of our friends and our network, show that we've succeeded and never reveal our flaws, even though that's impossible.”

Adding to these feelings of incompetence and loneliness, a large majority of society has also placed the white man in a status of persona non grata in recent years, causing frustration and anger among many of them. Mickaël wonders.

“Collectively we want to give more space to women, to racialized people or those belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community, and that's totally normal. But what do we do about heterosexual white men who feel benched, sidelined? How do we have this sensitive and inclusive discussion so that everyone finds their place, even men? How do we support men in this societal change instead of turning them into frustrated men who listen to masculinists? How do we avoid going off the rails, avoid generating violent and counterproductive backlash?”

“Everyone has a bit of responsibility to take. We talk a lot about diversity and inclusion but there is a big part of society that risks being left behind and not understanding and that is counterproductive. We must give space to everyone, even if men are the ones who have taken up all the space until now.”

When men need help

And if we want to help a man in our circle who is experiencing mental health issues? “Listening and welcoming is the starting point. Men hardly allow themselves to say that they are not okay when there are difficulties,” says Mickaël. “The woman also has to be ready to welcome the man's fragility. Maybe he will be weaker in other areas tied to stereotypes such as the breadwinner, the manual worker, the renovation/DIY man. And the man must adopt a different view of himself. Accept that it's normal, that we can't be perfect. And then guide him toward real resources. But the first level remains welcome, listening, empathy, discussion. We need to rebuild conversations between men and women.”

Thus, men's mental health in 2023 is a journey that continues to evolve. Thanks to the efforts of people like Mickaël Carlier and his organization, Men Who Change, the conversation is opening up, allowing men to express themselves and seek help without shame. Each story shared strengthens the momentum toward an era of emotional transparency, where asking for support is a sign of strength and not of weakness. At Familio, we are dedicated to supporting this progress and providing the necessary tools for thriving mental health. Together, let's continue to move toward an era where mental health is a priority for everyone, without taboo.

Resources and support available

Men Who Change

Website: https://deshommes.ca/

A Man's Heart

Website: https://www.acoeurdhomme.com/

Phone: 418 660-7799, toll-free 1-877-660-7799

Hommes Québec

Website: https://hommesquebec.ca/

Phone: 1-877-908-4545

Oxygène Houses Network

Website: https://maisonsoxygene.ca/

Phone: 438-504-4000

Group for the Promotion of Fatherhood

Website: https://www.rvpaternite.org/

Group of Organizations for Men of the Island of Montreal (ROHIM)

Website: https://www.rohim.net/

Phone: 438-397-0698

Montreal Men's Resource Centre

Website: https://www.crhmontreal.ca/

Phone: 514-355-8300 / +1 833-673-2746 (OSE-CRHM)