Understanding grief: stages, emotions and the grieving process | Familio

What is grief?

Grief does not only appear after a death. We generally distinguish two main types of grief. The first is related to the death of a loved one, such as a parent, a child, a spouse, a partner, a close friend, or even a pet. This loss can deeply upset life, landmarks, and one’s sense of security.

The second, sometimes called “living grief,” occurs without a death. It can be related to a divorce, retirement, children leaving home, or a health problem. The loss of a role, a relationship, or part of one’s identity can also cause genuine grief.

In most cases, grief gradually becomes less overwhelming, even though some emotions can return in waves long after the loss. However, when the grieving person feels suffering that remains very intense and continues to dominate their life for more than 12 months after the death, the DSM-5-TR refers to prolonged grief disorder. This can manifest as a persistent difficulty accepting the loss, a profound sense of emptiness, isolation, or the feeling that life no longer has meaning.

The stages of the grieving process

The stages of grief are often used as reference points to better understand what happens after a loss. Some people mainly experience shock and denial at first, as if what’s happening isn’t quite real. Others quickly feel anger, guilt, sadness, a sense of injustice, or great fear.

Some people feel like they move from one emotion to another without understanding why, sometimes even within the same day, or return to an emotion they’ve already experienced. It’s also common to go back to a stage one thought had passed. A person may, for example, feel more anger or sadness several weeks or months later. These back-and-forths are part of the normal grieving process. The Kübler-Ross model puts words to some common reactions.

The 5 stages of grief after the loss of a loved one according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Shock or denial

Difficulty believing the reality of the loss, feeling that what’s happening isn’t quite real.

Anger

Frustration, a sense of injustice, or resentment directed at oneself, others, or the situation.

Bargaining

Thoughts like “if only…” or “what if…,” with the feeling that things could have been done differently.

Disorganization or depression

Deep sadness, emptiness, isolation, loss of appetite, or sleep disturbances.

Acceptance, reorganization or integration

Gradual ability to live with the loss and to give it meaning.

Other approaches propose seven stages instead, to better reflect what transforms over time.

The 7 stages of grief according to Jean Monbourquette

You thought you were getting better… until a song, a smell, or a moment brought it all back.

When the pain returns even as time passes, it’s normal to wonder why. People talk about the stages of grief, as if you just need to go through them one by one to get better. As if there were a “right way” to grieve.

Yet grief does not follow a straight line. It can come back in waves, take different forms, and be experienced very differently from one person to another. Understanding what’s happening can help put words to what you feel, recognize returning emotions, and know when to seek support.

Shock

Feeling frozen or operating “on autopilot.”

Denial

Difficulty accepting what has just happened.

Anger

Anger, a sense of injustice, or frustration.

Guilt or bargaining

Feeling one could have acted differently or not done enough.

Sadness

Pain, nostalgia, isolation, or despair.

Reorganization

Gradual return of some landmarks and everyday life.

Acceptance or inner legacy

Recognizing what the person leaves within you and the place they continue to hold.

In practice, these stages are not boxes to check. A person can feel several emotions at once, return to a stage already experienced, or never go through certain phases. The grieving process is influenced by the bereaved person’s personality, their relationship with the deceased, the circumstances surrounding the death, and their support network.

Not all griefs look the same either. The death of a parent, the loss of a child, perinatal grief, ambiguous loss, or a separation do not provoke the same reactions or needs. Some types of grief can also be harder to recognize or to work through.

Normal emotions of grief

At first, grieving can cause shock or a form of denial. It’s a normal protective reaction to a significant loss. It can be hard to believe what just happened, especially when there was a strong attachment to the deceased person. Some people feel as if they’re operating “on autopilot,” numb, or unable to express what they feel. Others feel confused, disorganized, or have the sense that it’s not real. This first stage is part of the process of adapting to the loss.

Then often comes a more intense period, sometimes described as an “emotional storm.” Going through the emotions of grief can mean feeling sadness, anger, guilt, a sense of injustice, nostalgia, fear, or despair. Thoughts like “if only…” or “I should have…” are common. Certain dates, like a holiday or a milestone date, can also rekindle the pain. Grief can trigger physical reactions such as sleep problems, loss of appetite, fatigue, crying spells, or anxiety. During this period, expressing emotions, the comfort of loved ones, support groups, or others going through a similar experience can help one feel less alone.

Over time, these emotions often become less overwhelming. That doesn’t mean the person is forgotten or that the pain completely disappears. It becomes possible to regain some bearings, reorganize daily life, and continue moving forward differently. Learning to live with this absence and what it has changed takes time, but it can gradually become more bearable.

How long does grief last?

There is no precise duration or “normal” way to grieve. Each bereaved person goes through the process at their own pace. For some, the suffering eases after a few months. For others, it remains very present for longer. Grief is influenced by various factors, such as the bond with the deceased, the circumstances of the death, personality, received support, and other hardships experienced at the same time.

The first year is often particularly difficult because it forces you to experience for the first time holidays, seasonal changes, anniversaries, and other important moments without the person. an anniversary, a song, a smell, or a place can bring the pain back, even when you thought you were doing a little better.

With time, grief does not necessarily disappear, but it often becomes less overwhelming. A bereaved person may continue to feel sadness or longing while gradually regaining some bearings and a new balance.

How to grieve in daily life

Grief is not something you “fix” quickly. After the loss of a loved one, the death of an important person, a separation, or another loss, it’s normal to go through a period when everything seems harder. Some people mainly feel sadness and anxiety. Others experience more numbness, anger, fatigue, or depressive symptoms. All these reactions to grief are possible.

In daily life, it can help to maintain some routine, even very simple: eat a little, sleep, get some fresh air, continue certain habits, or ask for help with more difficult tasks. Grief often hits harder around an anniversary, a holiday, or a significant memory. In those moments, planning something comforting — seeing a trusted person, writing, going for a walk, looking at photos, or creating a small ritual — can make a difference.

Bereaved people often tend to isolate themselves, even when they need support. Yet talking with others, a loved one, or a professional can help put words to what is being experienced. Support groups also allow you to realize you are not alone and that others are going through a similar period.

Those around the bereaved sometimes want to give advice or say that one must “let go.” However, grief is not about forgetting or erasing the bond with the person. After the loss of a loved one, many people rather find comfort in continuing to make space for that relationship: talking about the person, marking their birthday, keeping certain habits, looking at photos, or creating a symbolic ritual. Over time, it becomes possible to carry this absence in a different way. Gradually, this absence becomes a little less overwhelming and leaves more room for memories and what the person left behind.

When does grief become more difficult

Some losses are harder to get through than others. This is often the case after the loss of a child, a suicide, a sudden death, perinatal grief, or several losses close together. But some living griefs can also be particularly trying: a separation, a divorce, a rupture with one’s family, a health problem, the loss of a job, a life project, or an important role.

Grief can also be harder when there is a strong attachment, a complicated relationship, a sense of injustice, or little support around you. A bereaved person may then feel completely alone, feel misunderstood, or believe they should already be feeling better.

Sometimes certain reactions take over and do not seem to diminish with time. Sadness, guilt, anger, emptiness, isolation, or the sense that life has no meaning remain very present. Others feel stuck in their grief, avoid anything that reminds them of the loss, or can no longer regain their bearings.

When grief related to the death of a person remains very intense more than 12 months after the loss and prevents functioning in daily life, the DSM-5-TR refers to prolonged grief disorder. This does not mean there is a “wrong way” to grieve, but rather that some situations may require more time, support, and sometimes professional help.

When to consult a professional?

Sometimes, despite the passage of time, the suffering remains too great to bear alone. You may feel like you’ve lost yourself along the way, no longer recognize yourself, or are no longer able to move forward. Anxiety, emptiness, isolation, depressive symptoms, or pain can then take over your life.

It also happens that some people feel stuck in their grief, as if nothing is changing despite all their efforts. Others avoid anything that reminds them of the loss, feel constantly exhausted, or feel they have to pretend to be better. If this is what you are experiencing, you don’t have to go through it alone.

When grief after the loss of a loved one remains very intense more than 12 months after the loss and prevents functioning in daily life, the DSM-5-TR refers to prolonged grief disorder. This simply means that your pain may need more support and gentleness.

Seeking help does not take away from the love, the bond, or what that person represented. On the contrary, it’s sometimes a way of taking care of yourself with the same tenderness you would offer someone you love. Making an appointment with a psychologist, a social worker, or another professional can allow you to be accompanied at your own pace, with kindness and without judgment.

Sources

Fauré, Christophe. (2018).Living Grief Day by Day. Paris: Éditions Albin Michel.

Hanot, Nathalie. (2019).The Grief Notebook: Living Losses and Breakups Better Through the Creative Journal Method. Montréal: Éditions Le Jour.

Lebel, Dominique. (2025).Clinical Presentation on Grief for Practitioners. Familio.

Monbourquette, Jean. (1994).Love, Lose, Grow. Montréal: Novalis.

• Canadian Psychological Association: https://cpa.ca/fr/psychology-works-fact-sheet-grief-in-adults/

• CHU de Québec–Université Laval: https://www.chudequebec.ca/a-propos-de-nous/publications/revues-en-ligne/spiritualite-sante/dossiers/dossier-la-mort-et-ses-contours/le-processus-de-deuil-un-incontournable.aspx

• Ordre des psychologues du Québec: https://www.ordrepsy.qc.ca/-/le-deuil-complique-et-persistant

Resources

If you are grieving or supporting a bereaved person, several resources offer support, listening, information, and peer support groups in Quebec.

Centre de ressources pour hommes de Montréal

www.crhmontreal.ca
Support group for grieving men. Phone: 514 355-8300.

CISSS de la Montérégie-Centre

www.santemonteregie.qc.ca/centre/trousse-de-deuil-du-cisss-de-la-monteregie-centre
This grief kit brings together tools, advice, and resources to better get through this period.

Deuil-Jeunesse

deuil-jeunesse.com
Telephone consultation service and individual and family interventions for adults, children, and families. Phone: 1 855 889-3666.

Fondation Monbourquette

www.maisonmonbourquette.com
The Monbourquette Foundation offers a complete list of support groups, individual services, and local grief resources. Listening line: 1 888 LE DEUIL (1 888 533-3845).

Hope & Cope

hopeandcope.ca/fr/services-de-soutien-aux-personnes-en-deuil/
This resource offers various support services for bereaved people, including groups and accompaniment.

InfoDeuil

infodeuil.ca/ressources.html
This directory brings together many resources, listening lines, and services related to grief across Quebec.

L’Appui pour les proches aidants

www.lappui.org/fr/je-suis-aidant/contenus-inspirants/deuil-anime
The series “Le deuil animé” offers short visual clips to better understand and go through grief, particularly for caregivers.

MonDeuil.ca

mondeuil.ca
Confidential and free resource that helps understand and live through your grief.

Tel-Écoute – Ligne Le Deuil

tel-ecoute.org/services
Telephone consultation service for bereaved people. Phone: 1 888 LE DEUIL (1 888 533-3845).